I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
