oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
