There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
