She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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