So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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