final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
