I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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