Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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