The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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