did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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