Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You smell like stripper and shame
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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