Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
