Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
