She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
