i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
