Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
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