woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
