Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
