My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
