So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
