Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
