hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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