I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
