come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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