When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
