you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
