Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
