i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
