There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
