Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
