it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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