you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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