So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He shit in the fireplace
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
