we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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