That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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