cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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