I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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