You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
