Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
