i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
