Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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