it hurts more in the daytime
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
