I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
