Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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