Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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