obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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