and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
