thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
