I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
