Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
