i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
